DUSTED

June 22nd 1999,my son turned nine..  Papa and i decided to throw a lavish Birthday  party for him as papa had just been awarded a huge federal government contract and we were making plans of moving to a new town for a fresh start, i was through with law school and i was successful already,  the only thing that mattered was my son's happiness. 

The party was going smoothly until a mate called Nnanna "born by mistake", it was our neighbours son, Tito.  I came out to separate the fight as Nnanna was already stuffing sand into Tito's mouth while the other kids hailed him, when i enquired and found out what happened,  the only thing i could do was squeeze Tito's ears, i wanted to draw his ears out because the boy is as troublesome as his mother, always looking  for who to say one thing or the other to and i was sure the mum had made that statement about my son, i wanted to run into their compound and beat the hell out of her but i restrained myself.  I simply asked Tito to go home and never return to the party again as he dusted the sand off his shirt that had turned "it was white".  

 When i got into  the house, my son had a stern look as he firmly demanded to know who his father is, i was terrified by the question and wanted to lie but he cut me short when he said i shouldn't lie again that his father is Papa.  How would i tell my son that i don't know who his father is, Papa and i had decided to tell him the story when he comes of age, now how do i start explaining, i  just broke down and started crying...  I left him and went into my room to cry my eyes out while i decided to wait till Papa returns to help me salvage the situation, Papa has been helpful from the day i had Nnanna, he came as soon as he heard i had delivered, he was walking like a peacock when he left the hospital that day as the nurse narrated.  You can't blame him, i am his only child and having another child was a blessing, he made sure we never lacked anything and always put us first before any decision, he is the true definition of a real father and i was grateful he was always available when i needed him .                                                Thankfully,  my cousin Nneoma was around and made sure the chaos between the kids died down and the party continued after i went into the house. 

That evening, when i heard the car horn blaring at our gate, i felt some form of relief..  At least Papa was back to help me out of this uncomfortable situation as he always had, Nnanna refused to join in his party or eat.  Our helps had tried everything possible to see him calm but he refused to listen to anyone so the party was cut short.  Nnanna loves Papa and Papa loved him too, he listened to him and i was a bit happy that a solution would come now even though it was going to be difficult. 

After we greeted and welcomed Papa, i told him everything immediately because i haven't been myself since that afternoon, i didn't want my son to hate me as there was a story similar to mine where the son turned against his mother after she refused and swore never to tell him who his father is but my case was quite complicated and Papa decided we should tell Nnanna everything that happened, he is nine years old and he constantly got bullied because of this, its time he knew the real truth, Papa said.....  

We walked into Nnanna's room, he acted like i wasn't there and the times i caught him staring, he looked at me like i was his worse enemy, it got me more scared and i hoped he understands.  Papa spoke to him first "Nnam, your mother has told me everything that happened today and we will explain the details surrounding your being conceived, please don't hate your mother inugo", Nnanna nodded the affirmative and his face brightened a bit, then Papa signalled me to speak. 

 I held unto the wooden edge of the bed and leaned on the wall as some kind of support as i recalled that black Friday night,  30th September 1988, the day was still fresh in my memory, the day that lead to the cause of Mama's death, the day that my innocence was snatched away from me, the day that almost  ruined my life.....  Mama and i were doing the dishes late  in the night as she had engagements the next day and i couldn't do it all alone,  we had  visitors that evening, Papa had been promoted in the ministry where he worked and we had a small get together party for colleagues and friends.   We had a house  help who came in the morning and leaves by 6pm so she only assisted in the cooking while Mama and i cleared up when everyone  left, we were talking about my school of choice as i just finished secondary school... I wanted to leave Enugu for a while so i told Mama that i wished University of Ibadan offers me an admissiom instead of University of Nigeria Nsukka, i wanted a change of environment.  Mama teased me and reminded me how i ran back after one week in the boarding house and that is how i would also run back from Ibadan if i got the admission..  We laughed loudly and didn't notice we had company until we heard that unfamilair voice, Mama and i turned immediately only  to behold three huge men all in black outfits, with a black mask that revealed only their eyes which we could barely see. 

Fear griped us as we saw the big guns in their possession, i held tightly to Mama and shivered.    The tall man asked where Papa was and we told him he wasn't home yet, we didn't know if they were assasins sent to kill Papa as we heard of bloody things that went down among government workers then,  they had ran out of luck perhaps their informant might have made a mistake, Papa had gone out with his best friend, Uncle Thomas to continue the celebration, Mama was invited too but she turned it down because she couldn't leave only me at home.  The robbers searched every part of our house thinking we lied about Papa's where about but when they didn't see anyone, they dragged me into the living room, raised the jean skirt i had on and began to unzip their trousers, i screamed as i tightly shut my eyes, the tallest one was first, i could perceive his cologne mixed with sweat as he climbed on me,  he forced himself into me and i felt a sharp pain at the lower part of my abdomen as he thurst in and out with every strength he had.  Mama was held hostage by the other two and was soon shot on the left leg when she tried to break free from their grip and rescue me but they held her down and continued pounding into me, one after the other with every pain i felt, i shed hot tears...  I was just seventeen,  i wept as i lay there helpless and sore,  they left a note for Papa saying it was a lesson not to step on toes.  

Mama was bleeding seriously and i had no strength in me to stand up, i was bleeding too and i passed out, i woke up in the hospital to discover Papa got home before things went out of hand and rushed us to the hospital, our  security man wasn't spared too as they had beaten and tied him up before coming to meet us inside the house. I got discharged the next day and Mama went in for a sugery to remove the bullets in her leg, the sugery was successful but she never remained the same, she went from one sickness to the other and her health detoriated. 

Two months later, i fell ill and it was confirmed that i was pregnant, i couldn't bear it, i wanted to die and wished the ground could open and swallow me.  I was just recovering from the trauma of being raped by three strange men now this, i cried myself to sleep, starved for several days to see if i could close my eyes one night and never open them the next day, death refused to come and i was devastated.     Few days before Mama passed on, she called Papa and i and asked that i keep the baby, she asked Papa to take me to my grandmother's place in Rivers state so that i would be in a new environment till i put to bed.  It was her last wish and we had kept to it against Papa's initial decision for an abortion, i had my son there and came back to Enugu when he was a year old.  I took another exam,  got into the university to study law while Papa made sure we never lacked. 

After i narrated my ordeal to Nnanna carefully leaving out some details that might cause damage to his young mind, he wept and hugged me so tight.   He looked at me and promised amidst sobs never to feel he is a child conceived through a mistake again rather one who against all odds was born to make a mark, i was happy that i had an intelligent son as Nnanna who felt his mother's pain and who knew he had to live right at such a young age, i looked at him then at Papa and couldn't hold myself from crying, we held on to each other as we cried tears of joy.......... 

Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016