THE NIGHT OF 14TH FEBRUARY

It was already midnight and Deji wasn't home yet.  He said he had to stay back and do some work with his boss, "why will this woman want to work extra time today of all days", he had lamented when we spoke earlier but i told him to relax, work and then come home to me because there was a surprise..
Four hours passed... I stared at the dinning table that held the cake, wine and some decorations.  I also made Gbegiri and Tuwo for dinner, the were Deji's favourite. I remembered my sweat, the times i'd almost sustained one kitchen injury or the other and tears gathered.  I wasn't much of kitchen person, i cooked once in a while but i wanted to make today memorable as our first valentine as man and wife, instead of the classy restaurant i earlier planned, i decided to do something different...  Make my own restaurant with candle light's at home, it looked perfect but it was going to waste.

1:00am....  I became restless, because i had tried to reach Deji severally but he didn't answer, i was angry.  I have heard stories about husband's who cheat, "could my Deji be cheating"? I tried hard to shove that thought from my head but i couldn't, i was in a rage.  I began to destroy everything i had decorated, i took the remaining part of the cake into the freezer and went into the bedroom.  I looked at myself in the mirror, i was beautiful, i didn't lack any endowments, why would my husband cheat within six months of being married ..  The thought drove me crazy, i unzipped the red gown i had purchased the previous day which was also part of the surprise, i don't wear short dresses and Deji always wanted me to so i bought this dress as a surprise, now its ruined.
Our marriage had been quite rocky, its only six months but there were loopholes everywhere, we didn't date for long, we met at a friend's party and was married within three months perhaps that was why we disagreed a lot but we were cool today, why would he consider cheating on me.  I was a stay at home wife because i haven't gotten any job yet, Deji was cool with this at first but soon he began to act like i had forced him into the marriage to make myself a liability, he indirectly threw insults at me during arguments but we never slept a day quarrelling, we'd always make up before the next day and now he is cheating, everything impossible in normal eyes was running through my head, "but we had settled this our differences of disagreements for over two months now so why this".  More tears flowed, i stood naked facing the mirror looking for any possible excuse my body was lacking but didn't get any answers because i wasn't thinking straight at the time.
I stared at myself some more in the mirror before heading for the bathroom.

1:30am.... In the bathroom,water splashing all over me from the shower ...  I didn't know whether to cry or not, then i heard my ringtone but i ignored it, if Deji was at the gate he'd have to wait a little longer as punishment for making me waste my time waiting for him..  I stayed a little longer in the bathroom before i got out, i wrapped the towel round my body and sat on the edge of the bed to check my phone, i had five missed calls from Deji, he also sent an sms, i open it waiting to see what his excuse would be.

"They want to kill me,run open the gate".......  I was in shock as i read the text one more time, i didn't understand what was happening or what to do.  I called him severally but no answer then i called my sister, she and her husband came over after 30minutes only to meet my Deji stone dead in his car with bullets pierced into his chest just by our gate.

The only thing i could remember was seeing my husband's lifeless body and screaming..  I had passed out and just woke up with a bad headache on a hospital bed, i made to stand and to enquire about my Deji but the nurse asked me to be still as moving now isn't good for my condition, she muttered something and the only thing i heard was, your pregnancy.
I was shocked, i couldn't believe the day i found out i was pregnant was the same day my husband died..
This would have been the best valentine present, i blamed myself everyday for Deji's death, for not picking his calls and for denying my child his father because of my stupid conclusions.

Its Eleven months already and my husband's killers are working freely while i and my new son suffer.
I looked at my son, smiling and whispering to his ears "we would surely revenge daddy's death" and the priest said, "name this child"...?
And i named him Deji.....
Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2017

JOSEPH-INA, THE DREAMER

We came down from the car while the security man made for the trunk of the car to get my luggage's after he shut the gate.  I had just returned from a conference which held in Paris, i had also used that opportunity to attend a friend's book launch and vacationed at once because i needed to cool my brain for a little while.  I really had a good time and promised i would return for another visit when my friend's saw me off to the airport, "Of course, Paris is a very beautiful place, who wouldn't want to go there a million times" i said.. 

I was successful too just like most of my friend's,  i had several short stories and books to my name, something that was a leisure turned out so well even though i still consider it a leisure, i couldn't leave it.  I had other business's too because the Igbo blood in me wouldn't rest and i was almost rounding up final plans to start up my school.  I had worked for a few years before i started running my own business empire full time, i had little business's before the job came, who would have thought i finally did it this big and there was no regrets so far, i was where i wanted to be with a very supportive family.  My son's voice halted my thoughts, he hugged me as if i had been gone longer than one week.  We are quite close while my daughter was close to their father, i was about to ask after her before i saw her running to get her own hug, my children were one of the best things that happened to me, they brought unexplainable joy to my heart each time i looked at them. 

That evening after dinner, my children decided to entertain me to some old school jams their father thought  them while i was away, i know how my husband and our kids were with music and i was up for a good laugh.  They started with dance steps, they did the Shoki and Dab then they began to chant to different songs, i and their father sang along. My daughter then said she had two songs she had learnt and wanted to surprise me to it, she sang Hello by Adele and Cheap thrills by Sia, i laughed and sang along then i told them Cheap thrills was my ring tone and alarm tone at a time, that was in 2016 and the early parts of 2017.. 

We were all laughing hard at one of my jokes about Cheap thrills when i felt a cold hand on me....  I woke up to see my sister tapping me to wake up, my alarm ringing at its highest, and it is 7:30am,how come i didn't wake up since one hour ago when my alarm first went off, i had been dreaming and i was late for work again on a Monday morning because i knew it would only take a miracle to beat traffic and be seated at the office before 8am.  I remembered i have been getting queries for the past two weeks for one reason or the other, i feared for my job and wished my dream would actually be reality... 

Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2017

DRUG ABUSE: MISCONCEPTIONS

Written by Tomiwa Cybermag Nicolas

Most of the time our perception of the term 'drug abuse' is absolutely wrong. From a young age, our minds have been wrongfully programmed to believe drug abusers are the ones who do 'hard' drugs like cocaine, heroin, marijuana etc.

If we are to define the word 'abuse' in simple terms, it means misuse, inappropriate or wrongful usage of a material or object. What if I told you most of us are drug abusers, will you dispute it? You don't have to,because it's a fact.Now let's consider acetaminophen(paracetamol),a simple pain reliever.Suppose your doctor prescribes paracetamol for your headache and tells you to take just two pills three times daily but your aproko body is telling you to take three pills and you did. Do you know you're a drug abuser?
Most people doing 'hard' drugs today didn't just wake up one morning and started sniffing substance, some started from the abuse of aspirin and some mild antibiotics.
Once the mild drug doesn't give them the expected comfort they move on to stronger drugs. The world health organisation even rated antibiotics as the most abused drug. A constant abuse of any drug has a short or long term effect on our body system. Every drug has a limit of usage. Paracetamol as mild as it seem,an individual shouldn't take more than twelve pills of it within twenty four hours. It might not have an immediate effect but it'll definitely tell on your liver on the long run.
A personal experience with tramadol changed my mindset about the drug forever.One of my friends had told me tramadol improves your performance when doing the do. Instead of doing my own research i foolishly believed him. That's how bae told me to come sleep over that particular week after exams. Thirty minutes before leaving for her place, i took three pills of 100mg tramadol, diluted it in La casera and downed everything. In my mind i was ready to demolish the walls of jericho. Getting to bae's place, i met her wriggling in discomfort, stomach pains. Error Error,mission abolished, we had to sleep "peacefully" that night. I was dizzy for the whole of the next day and i couldn't stand for two minutes without feeling weak.  When my colleagues saw how I was weak and unstable,they asked what i took and i said "it's tramadol ooooo, 100mg".I was to later realize tramadol is a very fatal drug if abused.
That drug you see as a mild one can do you great harm if abused. It's not only those that sniff cocaine or smoke marijuana that are drug abusers, sometimes we unconsciously abuse it too.
If you take any drug without the prescription of a physician, you're a drug abuser.
If you take an ovedose of a prescribed drug, you're a drug abuser.
If you take a drug for an ailment it's not meant for, you're a drug abuser.
If you take a drug to overcome depression when it's not prescribed, you're a drug abuser.
If you take a drug that's not meant for your age, you're a drug abuser.
Stop abusing that drug as from today. You'll be doing your liver a great favor and you'll be saving a life..

DECEMBER 31st

In the heat of the moment, everyone celebrated but for Ndeye's family.  They were already used to spending their Christmas in a hospital, it had become a routine for the past four years.

From 20th December Agu, Mrs Ndeye's first child and only son would take to a strange illness which would last till the 31st of December and suddenly like the wind, it blows away and he gets better like nothing happened.  It was exactly how her husband was before he passed on, his own lasted to seasons before his demise.  On one of the occasions, their kins men had proposed Agu be taken to a medicine man who cured all kinds of ailment since the hospital didn't dictate exactly what was wrong but his mother objected and said it wasn't spiritual. 
She didn't believe those kinds of things existed and kept on hoping that her son would get better with time since this particular Christmas was different.  On other occasion's, Agu's eyes would be shut for the whole period of hospitalization, he'd always wet the sheets and his mother and sister's took turns to clean him up.
On this particular Christmas, he seldom soiled the sheets and he could talk sometimes so they know when his bladder was full, it was a different Christmas and she was hopeful.

Agu's ailment got worse on 30th night as it usually does and his mother hoped he makes it out this year as he always had, he is her only son and he couldn't just die at 30,he wasn't even married and she couldn't bear losing him. 
3pm,31st December, Mrs Ndeye got a call from her security man that a young lady was asking after them and said it was important. She asked to speak to the young woman who introduced herself as Agu's girl friend, she was given directions on how to get to the hospital while Agu's mother wondered why she never knew this particular girl in question.
When Lola got to the hospital, it was already too late.. 
A strong wind blew across the room as Agu bid his mother and sister's a final farewell, he couldn't hang on so he let himself and the pain slip away, he almost made it through this year but it would never have been easy, he fought but his strength failed him at that point. This is the 31st his father had talked about on his death bed, it was his own turn and he had to go, he saw his mother's pain and wished he could stay longer....
Lola ran to his bed side and begged him to stay as he convulsed while white foamy substance escaped the corners of his mouth.  Lola had a boy of about four of five with her, she screamed and asked Agu to hang on telling him the kid is his son but it was already a lost cause. 
Lola's parents had sent her out of the country because they didn't want her to marry Agu, she soon found out she was with child but couldn't contact Agu.  She finally made it back to the country this year and found his home address in one of her old diary that she left behind and decided to look for him since at his old address she was told he relocated after his father's death.
Lola couldn't hold herself as she watched Agu breath his last, he was her first love, the first man that knew her. There was tears and there was joy. Mrs Ndeye held her grand son as she mourned her son who lay there stone dead as the staffs prepared him for the morgue, she was heart broken and at the same time felt unimaginable joy.
  She had finally made a strong decision to go to any length possible to seek the real cause of her husband and son's death because she couldn't take losing anyone again through the same means.

For Mrs Ndeye, it was a 31st to remember..  While she mourned Agu and remembered her husband, she also had a part of her heart that wanted to leap with joy whenever she laid eyes on her grandson....
Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 3

I tip toed as i crossed the sitting room window because we lived down stairs and i didn't want them hearing footsteps, i almost fainted when Iya Tobi surfaced from no where genuflecting as she greeted me loudly. Her loud voice attracted Henry as he stepped out through our front door, he asked where i was headed and i quickly sort out a lie to cover up.  "i want Iya Tobi to help me buy akara from the woman down the road", thankfully i wore a slippers and the blouse i wore was one that i used at home so he didn't suspect anything.  "Give Tosin to me, while you go make the custard for the akara before it arrives" he walked up to me and carried our son.
Iya Tobi wondered why i lied, i gave her 200naira to help me buy akara and winked at her so she won't ask any questions that would raise my husband's suspicion. Iya Tobi was the same neighbour who told me about Kemi's death and how the cause is still a mystery to everyone and to think Henry married me barely one year after her demise raised eyebrows but did i care? No, i was in love with my dark hunk, he represented everything i wanted in a man, he spoilt me silly and i stupidly fell for his charms. 
One year and some months into the marriage, Henry began to change, even his parents attitude towards me was not a story to write home about, i had no one to cry to because i am an orphan and an only child, i didn't like to discuss my private life with friends so i kept everything to myself and acted like all was well. Henry changed a bit after Tosin's birth but his attitude fluctuates like network service providers from time to time and today was one of those days....
I walked back into the house and made for the kitchen, mama was there opening the refrigerator to drop the remaining part of the anniversary cake. I took out the kettle, filled and put it on fire, i brought out the custard cup and poured an amount into the plate, added water and stirred.
I thought of an escape plan but nothing was coming to my head, i could run if i was alone but i couldn't leave my son behind. 
Before i finished with the custard, Iya Tobi brought the hot akara balls, she came through the back door, i was alone in the kitchen and no one could hear us.
I asked her to help me escape and she looked at me as if i was insane. "Iya Tobi you just have to help me, today is our anniversary and they want to kill me the same way they killed Kemi, remember you told me the story yourself" i ranted without stopping to catch my breath.  She looked at me with eyes wide open as if to wonder what was happening but she agreed to help, "we have to plan the escape na" she finally said.  I smiled and thanked her.
***************************
The plan was to put something Iya Tobi brought into my in law's custard, something that would make them sleep so i can sneak out with my son.  The plan worked and they all dozed off after the meal, we made a high five and i took Tosin with the small bag i packed and we left, this time i used the car because Iya Tobi advised i use it instead of leaving without nothing.  I drove straight to the police station and was about to report my case when my old school mate and friend who i had lost contact with, Ladi came out from one of the offices, we exchanged greetings, he is an inspector now and was on an official assignment in the state, he helped me talk with the DPO, i reported my case but it wasn't take serious as i had no evidence to prove my claims and the were mere assumptions. After speaking with the DPO, Ladi and i exchanged contacts and i left.
I decided to drive out of town, get a hotel where i can lie low till i secured a visa for i and my son, then i noticed a car following me, the car wasn't familiar but i knew i was in danger. I dialled Ladi's number severally but no answer, i managed to send a text to him about my whereabouts and the fact that i was in danger.
I looked from the mirror and saw my son sleeping peacefully, tears trickled down my eyes, "this people want to kill me and take my son, why do they want to take my life" , the thought ran through my mind as i maneuvered through other cars to dodge the car coming seriously after me. 

I got to a lonely junction and decided to turn and go back to the police station when i got a call from Ladi, he was coming too....  Before i could drop the phone on the passenger's side of the car, i lost control of the car and we pulled out of the road into the bushy parts.

I think i passed out because i woke up in the hospital to discover i had survived by chance.  When the car left the road, Henry and Iya Tobi tried to take Tosin and set the car ablaze but Ladi got there just on time to rescue me and track them down as they wanted to run with my son.
Iya Tobi whom i didn't know worked with my husband  and who was also his mistress had told them all our plans, it was perfect for them and they agreed that i would leave so that my death won't be linked to them. Tobi is my husband's son and Iya Tobi had told me about Kemi's death to scare me away from marrying Henry, there was no Kemi and the only reason Henry married me was because i was doing well in my chosen career and he needed my cash to boost his failing business.
Iya Tobi couldn't take it again and she convinced Henry and his people to kill me and make away with everything, i was dumbfounded at this shocking revelation as i reflected on my wasted years with Henry, my time and everything, the times i trusted Iya Tobi my neighbour i thought was good. My wedding anniversary turned out a day for hidden revelations, i smiled as i held unto Tosin with mixed feelings.........
Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY 2

I got a hold of myself, stood up and dragged myself out of the room only turning back when Henry enquired to know where i was going to, "i want to check on Tosin" i replied.  "No, come back to bed, he is sleeping and you would wake him" Henry tried to stop me but i didn't look back as i walked into our son's room which is directly opposite ours.

I quietly turned the door knob and locked it, i didn't understand my dream so i decided to sleep here till morning, i didn't understand Henry's attitude of late too especially with the statement he made as i woke up.  I checked on Tosin, our eleven months old baby as he slept peacefully in his crib releasing soft snores, i looked at him and smiled.     I went to the couch in the room and lay down, i was thinking about my dream when i dozed off.....
************************
I found myself in a strange forest, i didn't know how to find my way out, then i saw some men chanting a strange tone,as i made to run, the caught up with me, took me and tied me up.  One of the men was my father in law, "Baba help me, what is going on here" i tried to call his attention but he looked away. I didn't see the other men's faces so i couldn't tell who they were, after a while a woman dressed in a flowing black dress came out from no where, it was my mother in law..  I wondered what was going on, what were they going to do with me, i tried to scream but couldn't find my voice, i shut my eyes tightly as they lifted me onto a table, a fire was made at one corner while a large pot of watet cooked on it.  I let out a loud cry as i saw one of the men sharpen a cutlass, when he raised it up it shone and i saw his face through the reflection,  it was Uncle Tobias, Henry's uncle.  Before i could utter a word, he cut me into two, they cut the lower part of my body into smaller pieces that were large for Owambe size of meats, my mother in law sat by the fire and was about throwing my parts into the pot when i sprang up to see Tosin crying.

I carried him out of the cot and looked at my phone to see it was 8am already, i made for the door and walked to the sitting room to behold a surprise.  My in laws were there with my husband, my mother in law held the cake that had "Happy Wedding Anniversary babe" written on it, Henry smiled and planted a kiss on my fore head.  Uncle Tobias was there too, he quickly ran into the kitchen and brought out the bread knife and a plate for the cutting of the cake, they gestured me to join Henry and cut the cake while the echoed "hip hip hip, hurry"...  My mother in law began to cut the cake into different shapes, she threw each piece into the plate just as she wanted to throw my body parts into the pot, they all laughed in a weird way or maybe it seemed so to me.....  They have never been good to me, they never liked me, Henry too wasn't the perfect husband even though i practically worshipped him, he still faulted almost all that i did.  My son has been my only solace since three years i have been in this family, my mother in law had tried to put sniper insecticide into my food once and claimed she thought it was the salt bottle as it was dark in the kitchen that day.

I wondered why my wedding anniversary had to be the day they decided to make peace with me, my father in law smiled at me and i reflected on my dream again, suddenly a thought came into my head "what if the actually want to kill me"...... Another thought came into my head again and i remembered the story our neighbour told me surrounding Kemi, Henry's first wife's sudden death, she died on their  wedding anniversary.
My dream began to make sense, they had ill intentions obviously and i will not allow myself be their scape goat, i quickly excused myself, went into the room, wore a jean and a blouse, took Tosin's bib, grabbed my hand bag which housed my Atm cards and money that i needed for a taxi and left through the back door......

Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

I got out of the bathroom, wondering what i would wear, it is a Tuesday and i needed to look my best for this interview, i didn't want to look over dressed or like i was going for a contest so i sort for something simple.
I quickly glanced through my wardrobe as i discovered it was 7:30am already, my interview was for 8:30am, i selected one of my beautiful black dress and an animal print blazer to go with, i put it on and checked myself out in the mirror, i looked nice, more like a real cooperate working class girl.  I picked my black Dior bag which is  more of a China product, we wear designers too, no be only celebrities sabi wear am..  I smiled as i stepped into my black jimmy choo shoe that i had purchased from a bend down select some weeks back, i was classy in all ramification and i didn't think anyone would doubt that i wasn't expensive as my cologne spoke of class too.

It was a hot morning, i desperately wished i could get a free ride, i wiggled my waist as i walked and my hip danced to the rhythm of my cat walks.  My prayer was soon answered as  two cars pulled up in front of me, a Prado jeep and a gold Honda end of discussion.  Before i could walk to the Prado jeep, he drove off, i guess he saw someone else waiting and thought i might know him.  All the same i was happy there was a car as i just had my transport fare to go and not enough to come back.  I got close and he asked if he could give me a ride, as a sharp girl i didn't hesitate to accept the offer, i got into the car and we exchanged greetings and introduced ourselves, he said his name is Henry, i smiled and told him i am Kate.  He is a dark and very handsome man, i'm sure i would trip over him a thousand times, i checked out his left finger and there was no wedding band, i smiled again, i am sure he wondered what amused this girl.
It was a quiet ride, he only asked for my destination when we got into the major junction,  "pension office" i replied....  I was expecting him to ask if i worked there and i was ready to claim that i did as a sharp babe but he didn't, he dropped me at the gate, asked for my number and left.
I walked into the pension office only to get the sad news that the interview had been canceled, "after i wasted my cloth and i was going to waste transport fare back home", i thought to myself.  I and other angry applicants grumbled as we left the premises, we were all tired of the constant interview postponements .

As i got to the gate, Henry was there in his car, i walked up to enquire what he was still doing here because i thought he had left, he said he was waiting to take me home, i was more than delighted and i quickly hopped into the car, he said he wanted to go somewhere first and if i wasn't in a hurry, we could go together. i said i didn't mind because i actually had nothing to do and we drove off.
We were on the road close to an hour and i asked if we weren't at the place yet but he said we would soon be there.  I didn't know what happened but i slept off only to see myself in a forest surrounded by Henry and three other men in black cloths that was scantily tied around their waist, they were practically naked, making sounds and saying things i didn't understand, i sat on the ground, circled with a white chalk, i was tied hands and legs, i tried to lose myself but i couldn't.  I began to cry, i asked Henry what i had done to offend him but he looked away.  Suddenly i felt  shivers all over my body, i jumped up only to see my husband, Henry staring at me with cold eyes that spoke of murder..  I asked what the problem was and he said "Kate do you know i can kill you as you sleep without anyone finding out what happened"?
I was startled at the question, i stared at him with fear in my eyes and the only thing i could think about was my dream, i looked up to the wall clock to see it was 3am and today is our 3rd wedding anniversary, thoughts of my dream flashed through my mind as i held on tightly to my pillow and wondered what it signified.........
#fiction
Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016

DUSTED

June 22nd 1999,my son turned nine..  Papa and i decided to throw a lavish Birthday  party for him as papa had just been awarded a huge federal government contract and we were making plans of moving to a new town for a fresh start, i was through with law school and i was successful already,  the only thing that mattered was my son's happiness. 

The party was going smoothly until a mate called Nnanna "born by mistake", it was our neighbours son, Tito.  I came out to separate the fight as Nnanna was already stuffing sand into Tito's mouth while the other kids hailed him, when i enquired and found out what happened,  the only thing i could do was squeeze Tito's ears, i wanted to draw his ears out because the boy is as troublesome as his mother, always looking  for who to say one thing or the other to and i was sure the mum had made that statement about my son, i wanted to run into their compound and beat the hell out of her but i restrained myself.  I simply asked Tito to go home and never return to the party again as he dusted the sand off his shirt that had turned "it was white".  

 When i got into  the house, my son had a stern look as he firmly demanded to know who his father is, i was terrified by the question and wanted to lie but he cut me short when he said i shouldn't lie again that his father is Papa.  How would i tell my son that i don't know who his father is, Papa and i had decided to tell him the story when he comes of age, now how do i start explaining, i  just broke down and started crying...  I left him and went into my room to cry my eyes out while i decided to wait till Papa returns to help me salvage the situation, Papa has been helpful from the day i had Nnanna, he came as soon as he heard i had delivered, he was walking like a peacock when he left the hospital that day as the nurse narrated.  You can't blame him, i am his only child and having another child was a blessing, he made sure we never lacked anything and always put us first before any decision, he is the true definition of a real father and i was grateful he was always available when i needed him .                                                Thankfully,  my cousin Nneoma was around and made sure the chaos between the kids died down and the party continued after i went into the house. 

That evening, when i heard the car horn blaring at our gate, i felt some form of relief..  At least Papa was back to help me out of this uncomfortable situation as he always had, Nnanna refused to join in his party or eat.  Our helps had tried everything possible to see him calm but he refused to listen to anyone so the party was cut short.  Nnanna loves Papa and Papa loved him too, he listened to him and i was a bit happy that a solution would come now even though it was going to be difficult. 

After we greeted and welcomed Papa, i told him everything immediately because i haven't been myself since that afternoon, i didn't want my son to hate me as there was a story similar to mine where the son turned against his mother after she refused and swore never to tell him who his father is but my case was quite complicated and Papa decided we should tell Nnanna everything that happened, he is nine years old and he constantly got bullied because of this, its time he knew the real truth, Papa said.....  

We walked into Nnanna's room, he acted like i wasn't there and the times i caught him staring, he looked at me like i was his worse enemy, it got me more scared and i hoped he understands.  Papa spoke to him first "Nnam, your mother has told me everything that happened today and we will explain the details surrounding your being conceived, please don't hate your mother inugo", Nnanna nodded the affirmative and his face brightened a bit, then Papa signalled me to speak. 

 I held unto the wooden edge of the bed and leaned on the wall as some kind of support as i recalled that black Friday night,  30th September 1988, the day was still fresh in my memory, the day that lead to the cause of Mama's death, the day that my innocence was snatched away from me, the day that almost  ruined my life.....  Mama and i were doing the dishes late  in the night as she had engagements the next day and i couldn't do it all alone,  we had  visitors that evening, Papa had been promoted in the ministry where he worked and we had a small get together party for colleagues and friends.   We had a house  help who came in the morning and leaves by 6pm so she only assisted in the cooking while Mama and i cleared up when everyone  left, we were talking about my school of choice as i just finished secondary school... I wanted to leave Enugu for a while so i told Mama that i wished University of Ibadan offers me an admissiom instead of University of Nigeria Nsukka, i wanted a change of environment.  Mama teased me and reminded me how i ran back after one week in the boarding house and that is how i would also run back from Ibadan if i got the admission..  We laughed loudly and didn't notice we had company until we heard that unfamilair voice, Mama and i turned immediately only  to behold three huge men all in black outfits, with a black mask that revealed only their eyes which we could barely see. 

Fear griped us as we saw the big guns in their possession, i held tightly to Mama and shivered.    The tall man asked where Papa was and we told him he wasn't home yet, we didn't know if they were assasins sent to kill Papa as we heard of bloody things that went down among government workers then,  they had ran out of luck perhaps their informant might have made a mistake, Papa had gone out with his best friend, Uncle Thomas to continue the celebration, Mama was invited too but she turned it down because she couldn't leave only me at home.  The robbers searched every part of our house thinking we lied about Papa's where about but when they didn't see anyone, they dragged me into the living room, raised the jean skirt i had on and began to unzip their trousers, i screamed as i tightly shut my eyes, the tallest one was first, i could perceive his cologne mixed with sweat as he climbed on me,  he forced himself into me and i felt a sharp pain at the lower part of my abdomen as he thurst in and out with every strength he had.  Mama was held hostage by the other two and was soon shot on the left leg when she tried to break free from their grip and rescue me but they held her down and continued pounding into me, one after the other with every pain i felt, i shed hot tears...  I was just seventeen,  i wept as i lay there helpless and sore,  they left a note for Papa saying it was a lesson not to step on toes.  

Mama was bleeding seriously and i had no strength in me to stand up, i was bleeding too and i passed out, i woke up in the hospital to discover Papa got home before things went out of hand and rushed us to the hospital, our  security man wasn't spared too as they had beaten and tied him up before coming to meet us inside the house. I got discharged the next day and Mama went in for a sugery to remove the bullets in her leg, the sugery was successful but she never remained the same, she went from one sickness to the other and her health detoriated. 

Two months later, i fell ill and it was confirmed that i was pregnant, i couldn't bear it, i wanted to die and wished the ground could open and swallow me.  I was just recovering from the trauma of being raped by three strange men now this, i cried myself to sleep, starved for several days to see if i could close my eyes one night and never open them the next day, death refused to come and i was devastated.     Few days before Mama passed on, she called Papa and i and asked that i keep the baby, she asked Papa to take me to my grandmother's place in Rivers state so that i would be in a new environment till i put to bed.  It was her last wish and we had kept to it against Papa's initial decision for an abortion, i had my son there and came back to Enugu when he was a year old.  I took another exam,  got into the university to study law while Papa made sure we never lacked. 

After i narrated my ordeal to Nnanna carefully leaving out some details that might cause damage to his young mind, he wept and hugged me so tight.   He looked at me and promised amidst sobs never to feel he is a child conceived through a mistake again rather one who against all odds was born to make a mark, i was happy that i had an intelligent son as Nnanna who felt his mother's pain and who knew he had to live right at such a young age, i looked at him then at Papa and couldn't hold myself from crying, we held on to each other as we cried tears of joy.......... 

Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016

DEPRESSION AND THE TWO FACED NIGERIAN

"Emeka is dead"  mother broke the news.  I couldn't believe it, our land lord's son who was full of life.  I was only gone for a little time,  how did it happen? I asked.  "They said he commited suicide", my younger brother replied. 

Mother was very sure its some witches or forces from their village that had pushed him into taking his own life, if not how else do you explain it that a young man full of life could kill himself,  we argued over Emeka's death and what could have caused him to make such a drastic decision for the few weeks i stayed.  My brother said maybe it was someone that killed him and then made it look like suicide since he was found after some days dangling from his ceiling fan. 

I couldn't argue much that Emeka might have been depressed all the while before contemplating suicide.  No one else besides me knew that a friend of mine at the time was also suffering from series of depression because she had a broken relationship and i haven't been finding it easy at all helping and acting as counselor even though we had to hide under the guise that everything was cool.  

Well after i got hold of life and my friend  snapped out of depression after seeking medical help. I reflected back to Emeka and the little time i knew him, he was a graduate with a good result, we spoke a couple of times whenever he came home and i realized he had been out of school for so long with no job and business wasn't his thing even when he tried.  The youngman didn't look too happy the last time i saw him but i didn't know how frustrated he had become, if only he had poured out his heart, maybe he would have gotten help and would still be alive today..... 

Depression as defined by Merriam webster is a psyconeurotic and psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hoplessness and sometimes suicidal tendencies.                                                                A lot of celebrities suffer depression too, most people can't handle scandals, financial crises, rape, abuse, unemployment and unfortunately they fall into depression. 

This is the ordeal of many young Nigerians, even parents don't help matters, some would always tell you how successful your mates have become while you are here asking them for money when you are supposed to be bringing home, people are driven into frustration and they lapse into been depressed and are still expected to live as though everything was alright, as though nothing bothered them and they just had to hustle or else.... 

I don't know how bad it gets but a young man i just met recently told me he had to take up a job where he receives salary that is not even enough for his transportation just so he can leave the house before he falls into depression, he also told me he had gotten a better offer before the new job but he declined because there were unrealistic conditions attached to the job and he would have been frustrated doing it which contributes greatly to depressive episodes. 

Most Nigerians are living two lives, in the public,  they are assumed as happy and have everything going well with them because we have been wired to look and act like normal even in the midst of our problems choking us and we have been wired to always believe "it's well" even when we know we need help but in the dark we are sober and glommy and thinking, hearing  voices and contemplating easy ways to overcome our fears and dejection.... The major thing that leads many into attempting suicide! 

Just like Emeka, many people can't handle depression or get help. Some hide it because no one would even listen to them or believe them, its a sad turn of event because while we think we are enlightened enough, a lot of people around us are down with depression but we don't know because we have been groomed to encourage the "two faced"  life. 

Ifunanya Ononiwu (c) 2016